Still Grrr

 

So I stuffed up the timeline. So sue me.

 

But I don’t think it’s really my fault.

After all, I was careful. I didn’t stop Riley leaving, I didn’t warn them about the whole Drusilla debacle, and I didn’t even hint that I knew anything about the future. All I said was that I was from another dimension, didn’t know how to get home, and could I hang out with them in the meantime?

I mean, I’m a sci-fi geek. I’ve seen Back To The Future, and I know as well as anyone that the slightest change can have enormous repercussions. So I didn’t change anything.

Well… nothing major, anyway.

 

But, I ask you, if you saw someone kill an evil minion, and you knew that they’d botched the job and said evil minion was still alive and was about to go crawling back to their evil overlord and let some vital information slip, would you stand there and do nothing? I don’t think so.

So I picked up a brick and smashed his skull. That’s all.

I don’t see how you could blame me for the rest of it.

 

After all, Glory still found out about Dawn eventually. So I didn’t really throw the timeline off track that much.

 

But, well…

Because she didn’t know the Key was human, she never captured Spike. So when Xander asked Buffy about Spike, and she marched off to his crypt to ask him why Xander was delusional, she found him in a… um… delicate situation with the Buffybot. And she was so incensed that she beat him into a bloody mess and then dusted him, right there.

And I’m only five foot seven, and not a Slayer, so I don’t think it’s exactly my fault if the Slayer goes into a temper tantrum over something I didn’t do and I’m not strong enough to prevent her from killing someone.

 

I always thought her relationship with Angel was much better, anyway.

 

And sure, Spike was history, but he was evil, and Tara hadn’t been brainsucked, so I’d say my tiny bit of interference had actually had a positive effect, overall.

 

In fact, it had such a positive effect that Glory was getting desperate, and decided to kidnap Buffy and torture her for information. Which also wasn’t my fault.

And it’s not like she captured the real Buffy, anyway. Just the Buffybot. Which oh so helpfully told her exactly who the Key was the moment Glory asked.

I’m blaming Spike for that one. Or possibly Warren.

 

And anyway, like I said, the timeline wasn’t thrown too much off course. Glory still tried to capture Dawn, still failed, and didn’t even do too much damage. I mean, it’s not like Xander was killed.

 

And because Anya was sitting by Xander’s hospital bed, our Winnebago trip was spared from inane comments about irritating children and frying pans. That was a definite plus.

 

The Knights catching up with us before we left Sunnydale? Giles’ fault. He really should learn how to drive faster.

 

Glory finding us mid-battle? The tv studio’s fault. I mean, they’ve managed to ignore giant snakes eating schools – I don’t see why guys in plate armour attacking Winnebagos is a more interesting news story.

 

And then, of course, Buffy went all catatonic and Willow had to snap her out of it. And you know, while I freely admit that my actions might have led to Tara not going insane, I still don’t think I should be blamed just because the going-into-Buffy’s-mind spell was in the Darkest Magick book and so Willow hadn’t learnt it yet.

Even if it took her a bit longer to research, she still managed it eventually, right? So it’s not like I changed things that much.

 

If only they hadn’t all been so dense, I’m sure things could have worked out perfectly. And I tried, I really did.

After all, with Anya missing, someone needed to suggest using the Dagon Sphere and the hammer. And because no-one had visited the Doctor, they didn’t have all the books detailing Glory’s ritual for going home. In fact, they didn’t know that Glory wanted to go home, because they hadn’t interrogated the commander guy. And they hadn’t seen Ben transform, either.

But the more I tried to fill in the gaps, and give them the missing information, and explain what they should do, the more suspicious they got.

 

They asked how I could possibly know so much about Glory if I’d never met her, and they pointed out that I’d never said I could see the future before this, and they sarcastically noticed that both Glory and I were people from other dimensions needing a way to get home and wasn’t that co-incidental and couldn’t I come up with a more original story? and they pointed out that no tv studio in its right mind would put a show about a blonde chick who killed monsters in a prime time slot and who did I think I was kidding? and they said they weren’t nearly as gullible as I obviously thought they were.

And when I mentioned that either Buffy or Dawn would have to die to save the world, they lost their tempers, tied me up, and gagged me.

 

Like I said, I tried.

 

And some of my advice got through. They took the hammer and the Sphere, they got to the right location, and they even put up a good fight. For a while.

 

Unfortunately, because Willow had to spend so long researching the inside-minds spell, she didn’t have quite as long to chart Glory’s essence. Fortunately though, she was wrong about what would happen if the spell backfired. It didn’t make all our heads explode.

 

It just killed Willow.

 

Even then, we still could have won. Except… well, the Buffybot wasn’t fighting with us, and Giles couldn’t figure out how to use the wrecking ball, and I couldn’t even help, because the idiots still had me trussed up.

 

And people keep saying it was my fault, but really, with my hands stuck behind my back and the skies collapsing overhead, how exactly was I supposed to stop it?

Even though the dimensional bleedthrough did destroy our world as well, I still can’t see how I’m supposed to be the one to blame. It’s not like I meant for any of this to happen.

 

I just wanted to try living in my favourite show for a while. That’s all.